„If we really must have a mental image to symbolise the Spirit, we should represent it as something heavier than matter“ – Clive Staples Lewis, Miracles, C.S.Lewis Pte Ltd, 1947.
Bucharest, Romania, April 15th
Dear Rakendra,
How do you do? I want to tell you about an experience I had one week ago. It was the first evening of a Vipassana series, organised by Veet. Being Monday, only four of us could reach the place – a very nice and quiet place, a round room with big windows.
There we sat, witnessing our breath, and I don’t know how much time passed. And then, suddenly, I felt that parts of my body start to dissapear. First my arms, than my knees, my temples, my chest with the shoulders. I panicked – I was almost terrified!
You prevented me that there is „nothing“, but you didn’t tell me what kind of a nothing. I imagined that I will feel a huge emptiness inside me, my mind was still working with an „inside“ and an „outside“ – it held the presumption of a shape, contour, boundary representing „me“. Of course I read that there is no such thing as „me“, and I was innocently supposing that my need of identity would dissapear – not the signals of my body!
But that! Feeling nothing, like I was becoming an abyss! I dream sometimes that I step in the air and fall, but now... fall where, when there is no space? What falling, when there is no body? I try to find more words to express what I experienced and the only proper one is „nothing“. Nothing inside me and nothing around to support me. Yet a real, concrete nothing, if someone can accept this illogical concept – but how else to describe a non-sensation?
I felt the need to imperceptibly contract my muscles, just to make sure that I still have a body. In a way I succeeded, but yet I could not perceive the movement. Then, after a short time, the state just ended, as naturally as it appeard.
I still remember the great fear I passed through, but I want to be there again. Because there where the nothingness is, the endlesness is also, and now I long for its touch. But I am aware that, to reach it indeed, I have to trust the unknown, and here comes my work and my trials.
I am grateful to Veet for creating the place and time, but somehow I know it is you whom I follow in this weird journey since I first met you, one year ago.
I hope to have you as a guide again.
Thank you!
Luciana
Bucharest, Romania, April 15th
Dear Rakendra,
How do you do? I want to tell you about an experience I had one week ago. It was the first evening of a Vipassana series, organised by Veet. Being Monday, only four of us could reach the place – a very nice and quiet place, a round room with big windows.
There we sat, witnessing our breath, and I don’t know how much time passed. And then, suddenly, I felt that parts of my body start to dissapear. First my arms, than my knees, my temples, my chest with the shoulders. I panicked – I was almost terrified!
You prevented me that there is „nothing“, but you didn’t tell me what kind of a nothing. I imagined that I will feel a huge emptiness inside me, my mind was still working with an „inside“ and an „outside“ – it held the presumption of a shape, contour, boundary representing „me“. Of course I read that there is no such thing as „me“, and I was innocently supposing that my need of identity would dissapear – not the signals of my body!
But that! Feeling nothing, like I was becoming an abyss! I dream sometimes that I step in the air and fall, but now... fall where, when there is no space? What falling, when there is no body? I try to find more words to express what I experienced and the only proper one is „nothing“. Nothing inside me and nothing around to support me. Yet a real, concrete nothing, if someone can accept this illogical concept – but how else to describe a non-sensation?
I felt the need to imperceptibly contract my muscles, just to make sure that I still have a body. In a way I succeeded, but yet I could not perceive the movement. Then, after a short time, the state just ended, as naturally as it appeard.
I still remember the great fear I passed through, but I want to be there again. Because there where the nothingness is, the endlesness is also, and now I long for its touch. But I am aware that, to reach it indeed, I have to trust the unknown, and here comes my work and my trials.
I am grateful to Veet for creating the place and time, but somehow I know it is you whom I follow in this weird journey since I first met you, one year ago.
I hope to have you as a guide again.
Thank you!
Luciana
P.S. A friend of mine says that I probably shut down some perception centers in the brain. So I wonder: what would happen if somebody were touching my „missing parts“ in those moments? Could I feel it? Could I know it without feeling it?
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Hi, everybody,
Rakendra was so kind and answered to my question, I thank him and I share the answer with you.
A loving day to all,
Luciana
***
Dear Luciana,
Nice to hear from you and nice of you to share your experience. What to say… All kinds of experiences happen when we meditate and emptiness is certainly one of them.
Nothingness too!
We are not our body, we are not our mind, we are only a witnessing consciousness, so it can easily be felt that there is no body, no mind, no 'me'.
Your friend can be right if 'you', as a personality were still there. But if 'you' as a personality also were not there, then it is another kind of experience.
So the question really is… 'who' was experiencing this nothing, this endlessness? Forget about all kinds of experiences and where they come from, etc..., simply
turn your focus on the ONE WHO IS EXPERIENCING, not on the experience itself. The experience does not matter, it is still an object. Move from the object to the subject.
And… always trust YOUR experience, let other say what they want, they may be right, they may be wrong, what is important is YOUR experience.
Trust in that and let life take you deeper.
Have a look at this video, it may also answer your question:
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229
Enjoy your meditation
Thank you for your sharing
With Love
Rakendra
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